In praise of the unsung heroines

In Shakespeare’s famous play of Julius Caesar, Mark Anthony proclaims, “The evil that men do lives after them; The good is oft interred with their bones.” This quote is so true even to this day - not just with men but also with women. I know of so many women who sacrificed their entire life doing good things with least concern to their own health or happiness but their deeds were never recognized. One of such great women was my own maternal grand mother - my mother's mom - whose real name was Janaki but was known as Pudukottai Amma. I never understood P.Amma in my younger days. Looking back now after almost 40 years, I feel that all the good she did seems to have been interred with her bones. Nobody praised her or appreciated her work - not even her own family members for what all she did for them.

P.Amma was born in Madras as the daughter of a leading lawyer known as Patnam Subramania Iyer. She was married young to Sankaran, the eldest son of a wealthy mirasdar (landlord) living in a small village called Soolamangalam (near Thanjavur). As the eldest daughter-in-law of the household, she took more responsibility at home. Her husband was short-tempered and most difficult to deal with. She bore him eight children. One of her sons was unfortunately retarded from childhood. Toiling day and night, she raised her children with fortitude in a small village in the most conservative surroundings. By a stroke of bad luck, Sankaran lost heavily in his business that got his brothers worried about their shrinking shares in the family property. The brothers joined hands and filed a suit against Sankaran lodging claims over the properties. Sankaran lost the case and became bankrupt. Eventually, he died young at the age of 41 leaving his old father, his wife and children in deep distress. His eldest son N who was just about 15 at that time was forced to discontinue his studies and take up a clerical job at a bank in Pudukottai town to support the family.

Having lost her husband and all the riches, P.Amma moved from the village to her son's rented house in Pudukottai to begin yet another arduous phase of her life. Though she had no income, she never lost her guts and self-confidence. Her son N was intelligent and affectionate but was ill-tempered like his father and had an instinct for gambling in horse races. Her daughter-in-law was hard of hearing and could never understand the serious issues that confronted the family. Because of this handicap, the daughter-in-law was often the victim of her husband's uncontrolled wrath and physical abuse. P.Amma always kept cool and very tactfully dealt with both her son and daughter-in-law. I have never seen P.Amma lose her temper even in the most difficult situations!

With very little income flowing from a single wage-earner, the pot had to be kept boiling at home to feed over a dozen hungry mouths. Besides the eldest son and his wife & kids, there were always other members of the Sankaran family who stayed at home. There was the grown-up but retarded son who had to be handled with lot of patience and fed. Almost on a regular basis, P.Amma had to take care of one or more of her daughters who came for delivery at their mother's home and stayed for several months. In addition, some of her daughters left their children for education in Pudukottai. I too was one among those children. With so many members living at home, you can imagine the demands made on P.Amma in managing the household. She faced it all without a frown on her face.

Despite facing numerous stressful situations, I have never heard P.Amma complain about her misfortunes, fate or about her own personal discomforts. Her needs were very few. She ate very little and her clothings were just a few white sarees. Her bed used to be a long wooden plank of a swing; she always slept last in the night and was the first one to rise in early in the morning to wake up the other family members - specially the young ones. She shouldered much of the responsibility to manage the family and raise her grand children. The never-ending activities at home demanded P.Amma's best personal attention at all times. She had to often consult her son on family matters which she did usually late in the night after most members went to sleep.

Though she suffered from high blood pressure, P.Amma worked and worked, day after day, all for the sake of her family, never ever expecting anything in return. She rarely went out and enjoyed no vacation or rest for decades. She listened to people and helped many to resolve their personal problems. She made marriages happen! Her pastime included carnatic music, solving Tamil cross-words, and telling stories to children. Some of the best qualities that I observed in her were: unshakeable faith in the Almighty; enthusiasm at all times; patience; perseverance; truthfulness; self-introspection; ability to stay calm in a crisis; and love for all including those who hated her.

Today, we talk and praise those who achieve excellence in arts, education, medicine, politics, science or sports. We recognize such achievers with awards and give them a wide publicity. Do we recognize the sacrifices made by the countless number of women, including those who juggle in present days a competitive career and a demanding home, all for the welfare of their dear families? Who praises those unsung heroines like P.Amma? Well, I do! I salute P.Amma with all my sincerity for all the good she did to others and the most precious lessons that I learnt from her. With all my heart, I praise those unsung heroines, both past and present!